Aku tahu, bahwa semua ujian ini diberikan-Nya untuk membuatku menjadi manusia yang lebih baik.
But, in all of this sadness and worry, I also pray that there will be a person who wants to listen. It's been a long time since I had ever had that kind of person. It's not about I'm not grateful of what I have. I'm so grateful of all friends around me that gives support in their way.
I have issues in my life. I can't tell what I really feel since my close friends can't ask me " how are you no more". Maybe they are too bored for looking my sad face or hearing my babble. I know we have our own problems. It's just like I feel I'm going to losing hope. I don't know where to tell if it's not to Allah swt. I know the answer will come. I know if I never try, I will not get the answer.
I am too desperate of finding it. The people I trust and could calm down my feeling has gone one by one. I can't blame it because I know they have their own businesses. Maybe they are bored.
I've tried to help my self from all of this sickness. I've tried to tell 'em. I need to be heard and see me in the eyes. I need a hug and words of saying that I'm capable of it. I need a hug that tells me I'm not alone and I deserve better than this. But, some of them don't understand enough. My silence means nothing since I know that gadget is more important for people nowadays.
I ever think to let it broken to release it, but I can't. My parents put a lot of hopes to be happened. I need to finish all of this and make 'em proud. Again and again, but I can't let them know that I am dying here because it will make them worry too much. It will make 'em sad. It's enough for me to watch their struggle since I was born, with all of problems that has happened to our family. They are very kind parents that I can't let them to know my damage issues. Now, I am going to pieces. I am mad of the things I can't do. I'm mad of the things that I'm not capable of. I avoid meeting people I know just because I feel like I'm not good enough.
This stages of life has making indescribable. I think my tears has no limitations since I can't handle it no more. I'm tired of thinking and I do the things that I don't understand why. I make to much speculation of my self and almost think that I'm worthless. I can't see a minute after as the spirit. I can't see tomorrow as a hope, instead I'm thinking of sorrow. I don't know who's the readers of my written in this blog. By now, I stop pretending that I could. I'm sorry if I'm not as good and as strong as you think about me. I'm no longer being "Diajeng Anjarsari Rahmadani"that it used to be. Maybe I lose one of words on the name.
But, in all of this sadness and worry, I also pray that there will be a person who wants to listen. It's been a long time since I had ever had that kind of person. It's not about I'm not grateful of what I have. I'm so grateful of all friends around me that gives support in their way.
I have issues in my life. I can't tell what I really feel since my close friends can't ask me " how are you no more". Maybe they are too bored for looking my sad face or hearing my babble. I know we have our own problems. It's just like I feel I'm going to losing hope. I don't know where to tell if it's not to Allah swt. I know the answer will come. I know if I never try, I will not get the answer.
I am too desperate of finding it. The people I trust and could calm down my feeling has gone one by one. I can't blame it because I know they have their own businesses. Maybe they are bored.
I've tried to help my self from all of this sickness. I've tried to tell 'em. I need to be heard and see me in the eyes. I need a hug and words of saying that I'm capable of it. I need a hug that tells me I'm not alone and I deserve better than this. But, some of them don't understand enough. My silence means nothing since I know that gadget is more important for people nowadays.
I ever think to let it broken to release it, but I can't. My parents put a lot of hopes to be happened. I need to finish all of this and make 'em proud. Again and again, but I can't let them know that I am dying here because it will make them worry too much. It will make 'em sad. It's enough for me to watch their struggle since I was born, with all of problems that has happened to our family. They are very kind parents that I can't let them to know my damage issues. Now, I am going to pieces. I am mad of the things I can't do. I'm mad of the things that I'm not capable of. I avoid meeting people I know just because I feel like I'm not good enough.
This stages of life has making indescribable. I think my tears has no limitations since I can't handle it no more. I'm tired of thinking and I do the things that I don't understand why. I make to much speculation of my self and almost think that I'm worthless. I can't see a minute after as the spirit. I can't see tomorrow as a hope, instead I'm thinking of sorrow. I don't know who's the readers of my written in this blog. By now, I stop pretending that I could. I'm sorry if I'm not as good and as strong as you think about me. I'm no longer being "Diajeng Anjarsari Rahmadani"that it used to be. Maybe I lose one of words on the name.
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