THE END

It’s the time. I’ve already left everything behind. I let it all out. Through all of my fears for several years, I lived with it. By now, it’s all done. I’ve collected my bravery. I never knew it would come with a sincerity. There will be no sorrow for something with uncertainty, started from yesterday.

I had simple question of why and I never had the answer. I had a lot of cares but it came with nothing. Time passed by and I found the real “me” in slow but sure. I’d ever loved before I used my logic well. I ever felt about what the most of people talk about loving in a friendship. I ever lied and I ever pretended. I’ve ever cried for him and I’ve ever smiled for every joy he felt. I always thought that I’m different. I have something that’s not all the girls have. And I enjoy with it.

It was a gift to be in the condition. From evertyhing that ever happened, I’ve learned a lot. I bring the lesson until now. Those feeling turned into anger. The anger turned into hate. The hate made me think and become a better person. I worked with my logic and left my feelings. Slowly I did my forgiveness. Tried to make a piece with my own soul. Doing well on my way for reaching my dreams and struggling for my heart. It’s hard and my friends told me it  wouldn’t be easy as I said. I lived with their words until something changed.

I left my comfort zones for many times that I can’t count for more. Again and again losing the lovely friends or leaving them. It was dissapointing to lose communication with the one we love. Then there came question. Then, there came a clear picture of what you felt and what you shouldn’t do. With all of my memories I’ve made, the feeling had gone, but the question still stayed.

After leaving my second home, my bravery for everything has grown more. I spoke more. I’m brave enough to tell what I think and I felt. At the phone call in the evening, I really thought that I had to finish it for me and find the answer. I had to leave it as well.

I talked and debating. Something that I don’t like (debating). For almost 2 hours, it was done. I find the answer and I had been honest for me. I felt like I was win. It felt so good after that. I didn’t think I lost something, but I found something. My words had find its ending. My stories had its epilogue. I am really ready to start all over again. Set my soul free. Let my heart spoke what it wants to. I prepared myself for the worst but no, it was the best. I was totally fine and our friendsip is back.

I am glad that he found the one who might understand him. The one who loves in the way he wants. The ones who better be special than just a bestfriend. He didn’t find a friend like me. So do I, but I find so much better so that I should be more grateful. It won’t be the same as it used to because we grew up in the different haze. We learn with different kind of people. Thank you for giving me a lot of lesson  through sadness and happiness. Thanks you for still listening and make me finish it for me. The last, thank you for making me sure that I will find the one who’s fit with who I am. I am sure of it. I don’t know I have found it or not. 

Maybe I can talk with you later on about a boy. I think it will be nice if it’s not only you who talks about loving and founding someone. See you on top :)